I’m writing to you because you’re obviously, like, the smartest woman in America and I am confused about Kim Davis. You know, that woman down in Kentucky who might be the first Christian ever imprisoned in American history for following their faith.

In between reading Eckhart Tolle’s latest I’ve been following a lot of the debate and coverage of her story, and it’s left me even more confused than I was before I first heard about it. Although I admit since I’m a product of our government schools I am easily befuddled (a new word I learned today).

Since I know of no greater champion for womankind than yourself, I’m hoping you might be able to answer at least a few of these questions for me (and I even used spell-check to correct any typos/errors):

I am confused which “law” this woman disobeyed when I can’t find anything in either the U.S. Constitution, U.S. Code or Kentucky state law that says homosexuals are allowed to obtain marriage licenses.

I am confused how a woman can be kept in jail indefinitely without a trial when she didn’t violate any law on the books that anyone can cite anywhere.

I am confused how one Kentucky clerk threatens the rule of law but unelected judges who rewrite the Constitution from the bench don’t.

I am confused how a divorced Kentucky clerk doesn’t have integrity to stand for marriage but rich elitists like Hillary Clinton – who is paid more for one speech than most Americans make in a year – get to play class warfare.

I am confused why someone who isn’t perfect can’t uphold a standard when the people accusing her of imperfection are imperfect themselves.

I am confused why cities can declare themselves “sanctuaries” for illegal aliens but one county can’t be a “sanctuary” for lawful marriage.

I am confused why illegal aliens who openly protest our immigration laws in public aren’t in jail, but this woman is and we know of no “law” she’s actually violated.

I am confused how Planned Parenthood officials caught red-handed on camera violating federal laws forbidding the peddling of dead baby parts for profit aren’t in jail, but this Kentucky woman is.

I am confused why a president and an attorney general who refused to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act before the Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional weren’t in jail for violating “the law,” but this county clerk is when the Constitution doesn’t allow courts to make law.

I am confused why some people are mocking a woman for not behaving as a Christian before she became one.

I am confused why a county clerk must resign if she doesn’t want to enforce “laws” she disagrees with, but a president doesn’t.

I am confused why Carly Fiorina would call for this Kentucky clerk to resign for not enforcing pretend laws she doesn’t agree with, but she won’t demand a president resign for not enforcing actual laws he doesn’t agree with. Including the ones which even bear his name, like all the times he refused to implement “Obamacare.”

Oprah, since you know our magnificent president personally I’m sure you can get answers to these questions. I’m sure there are simple explanations here that I probably just haven’t had the time between the kids’ soccer practices to get from watching Rachel Maddow. Like so many others I’m at a bit of a loss now that Jon Stewart is no longer on the air, so I’m turning to you for help.

However, I know you’re very busy so if you don’t get back to me by tomorrow I’ll send this over to those brilliant ladies on “The View.”

Sincerely,

Call Me Caitlyn

(Steve Deace is a nationally syndicated talk show host and also the author of the new book “Rules for Patriots: How Conservatives Can Win Again.” You can “like” him on Facebook or follow him on Twitter @SteveDeaceShow.)

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