You’re only as old as you feel, right? Nope. The judge didn’t see it that way. Lots of people lie about their age. The joke about a woman celebrating her 29th birthday for the 25th time is as old as the hills. Growing old is a tough thing for a lot of people to grapple with, and there are plenty of ways to feel young at heart.
But Emile Ratelband was pushing it a little too far.
Stealing the script from people who were identifying as men, women, or even female dragons, one man decided to petition the courts to allow him to ‘identify’ as a much younger man. He is 69, but he wanted the courts to rule that he is, in fact, 45.
His elevator may not, in fact, go to the top floor. Then again, he’s applying exactly the same logic as every other person that ‘announces’ a change in their defining characteristics, whether name, gender, ethnicity or sometimes even species. So is he any more crazy that the things our society has already called normal?
And don’t forget about ‘Stephoknee’ — the old dude with kids who was living with some family as a “six-year-old girl”. Maybe he figures if the court rules that he IS forty-five, it will veto reality.
He can get a mortgage again. He can paint his house again. He can have a baby again. He doesn’t want to PRETEND he’s 45, he wants to reset the clock so that he IS 45 again. And he figures a judge can do that, somehow.
Emile Ratelband says he does not ‘feel’ like a pensioner, and that reducing his age to 49 would mean getting work and attracting more women on dating websites and apps such as Tinder.
Last month, the self-styled ‘positivity guru’ asked the court in Arnhem to formally change his date of birth from March 11, 1949, to March 11, 1969.
He argued his request was consistent with other forms of personal transformation, such as the ability to change one’s name or gender.
But in a written ruling Monday, the court said Dutch law assigns rights and obligations based on age ‘such as the right to vote and the duty to attend school.
Did we mention that he didn’t want the 68-year-old women on the hook-up/dating site ‘Tinder’? He wants to land much younger women on Tinder. Not by lying, no. He wants to ‘be himself’ and have the courts rule he is 45.
News flash, bub. Having the courts do your lying for you is the same thing as lying yourself.
Hey ladies: if this guy told you he was only 45, would you believe him?