What Did You Say?

1. The “Holier Than Thou” liberal.

This is the liberal that thinks they have the moral high ground.  “Hey, look at me! I am a liberal and I care about poor people.”  This liberal never donates money to charity or volunteers their time, but they support welfare, so they care about poor people, or something.

2. The “Pro-Choice” liberal

This liberal defines themselves by being pro-choice.  Ironically, the only choice they believe in is the choice to be able to kill an unborn baby.  This liberal doesn’t think you should be able to choose to own a gun, buy a light bulb, or a large slurpee, but they still have the stones to say they are “pro-choice”.

3. The “Anti Death-Penalty” liberal

This liberal is good friends with the pro-choice liberal.  They think that murderers and rapists on death row shouldn’t be killed, only the innocent unborn babies.

4. The “Oil Companies Are Evil” liberal

This liberal hates oil companies.  Obviously, this liberal loves driving in their car, flying in planes, eating at restaurants that get their food from delivery trucks, etc.  You would think they love oil companies because of how much taxes they pay.

5. The “Conservatives Are Racist” Liberal

This liberal hates conservatives because they are racist.  Why are conservatives racist? Because Obama, Al Sharpton, and MSNBC told them so.  This liberal believes in affirmative action, a policy that says minorities are too stupid to succeed without help.  This liberal is also against voter ID laws because they think minorities aren’t smart enough to figure out how to get an ID.

6. The “Anti-War” liberal

This liberal thinks we shouldn’t have gone into Iraq or Afghanistan.  This liberal changed their tune once Obama was president, obviously.

7. The “War on Women” liberal

This liberal thinks the world, and by world I mean conservatives, are out to get women.  This liberal stands up and does there happy dance when Obama says women make 77 cents for every dollar earned by men, even though that myth has been debunked time and time again.

8. The “Jesus Was A Socialist” Liberal

Jesus did promote charitable giving on behalf of individuals through voluntary actions, not as a secular and spiritless exercise of government through forced taxation. Naturally, this liberal ignores the fact that Joe Biden and his wife gave 0.2% to charity for an entire decade, and that Barack Obama gave less than 1% to charity from 2000 to 2004. This liberal only loves helping the poor if they’re using other people’s money.

Moreover, helping poor people means being pro-capitalism.  Nothing raises the standard of living of poor people better than a free market economy.

Or “Obama is our dad” liberal

11. The “Global Warming” Liberal

This liberal literally spends their time trying to figure out how to make cows fart less to stop global warming. This liberal said in 2007 that global warming will make the arctic ice free by 2013.  Of course, in 2013 the polar ice caps grew by 60%.